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Nobody told me perimenopause was basically the trailer for the horror movie called menopause.

This isn’t even the main film yet. This is the preview.And it’s already ghetto. One random day my hormones just walked out. Estrogen packed her bags. Progesterone disappeared like my ex. My patience quit without notice. My sleep went missing. My whole system said “figure it out girl.”

And my kids? Still calling “Ma” like I’m the family AI system.

I’m over here fighting for my life and they’re asking me where their socks are. Sir, I don’t even know where I am.

Ask the Lord. Ask Google. Ask the ancestors. I’m not involved.

Perimenopause has me waking up at three in the morning thinking about everything at the same time.

My childhood, my trauma, my bills, my future, is Rihanna ever going to drop a new album, whether I left the oven on, why I said yes to people I should’ve ignored. My mind is doing gymnastics while my body is doing absolutely nothing.

And the hot flashes. I’m sweating like someone put me in a sauna on Venus. The house is cold but I’m melting like a candle. I open the window and I freeze. I close the window and I’m on fire. Blanket off, Antarctica. Blanket on, hell. The thermostat is confused. I’m confused. Everybody’s confused.

Mood swings? I cried at a TikTok of a monkey minding its business. Then I laughed. Then I cried because I laughed. My hormones are remixing my emotions like a DJ with no training.

Perimenopause also decided to delete my memory for fun. I walk into rooms and forget why I’m there. I open the fridge and stare at it like it owes me answers. I put my phone in the freezer and my keys in the sugar jar. I cannot be trusted right now.

And while I’m dealing with all this chaos, my kids are still calling me like I’m the head chef, therapist and life coach. “Ma, what’s for dinner?” Food. From somewhere. You’re grown. Use your resources. I’m not participating today.

Meanwhile I’m mothering myself, my inner child, my adult children, my hormones, my anxiety and my attitude all at once. That is six full time jobs with no salary or benefits.

Perimenopause is honestly the hood version of spiritual awakening. It’s messy, it’s loud, it’s chaotic, it’s personal, and it makes no sense. But somehow I’m still here, sweating, forgetting things, trying not to cuss people out, trying to breathe, trying to heal, trying to stay human.

And the wildest part is I’m doing all of this while raising kids who still think I’m supposed to be superwoman No baby. I am a premenopausal woman in survival mode. If I answer my phone today you should feel blessed.

One thing I will say though perimenopause didn’t break me. It exposed me. It showed me how much I’ve carried and how tired I am of carrying it. It showed me that my body isn’t trying to punish me, she’s trying to free me.

And if freedom looks a little unhinged right now, then so be it

Love Shar